The power has stayed on for a couple of weeks now, and I have really gotten used to just going about day by day, not wondering when it’ll turn off. I haven’t even been charging my lanterns. Tonight, the power went out, one of my lanterns is dead and the other two are very weak. Candles will have to do.
There’s something about not having power that completely calms me down. Mind you, there are days when I’m cooking, or in the middle of something, and the power goes out and I’m ready to scream. But there is something about embracing the fact that there isn’t anything I can do. So, in moments like this, I usually resort to things I don’t often do when the power is on (reading, knitting, journaling)– sometimes I just lie there and listen to nothing. It’s so quiet – except for the sound of generators in the distance.
When the power turned off tonight, I actually felt this sense of relief. I felt so calm. I sat on the couch, knitted, and listened to some music. I just downloaded the newest Hillsong album, and there is a song in particular that I have been listening to on repeat. These words have actually caused me to pause and really examine the way I have been thinking lately:
I lift my hands to Heaven
Here my heart surrendered
I tell my soul again, You are Lord of all
Though the seas are raging, You will speak and tame them
In you I find my rest, You are in control
Lately, there’s been a lot of bad news. Lots of things going on in lots of peoples lives, and I kind of feel like I’m at the point where if I hear one more bad piece of news it’s going to be too much. My mind has been really unfocused. I try to pray and read my Bible, and my mind is elsewhere. You know when you pray, and you remind yourself that God is greater then the problems that we face, and that God is in control, but you still feel uneasy? You feel uneasy because even knowing that God is in control doesn’t always mean your prayers are going to be answered the way you’d hope.
Truly understanding that God is in control means that I truly understand that I am not; and depending on the day or the situation, that can bring such a sense of relief, or such a damaging sense of anxiety.
I think the most important line in that song is I tell my soul again, You are Lord of all. To me it’s the most important line because it reminds me of the only control I should have. I have the control to remind myself of His power. I have the control to choose to surrender. I have the control to understand the role of my Father. It’s so easy for us to forget, which is why we need to tell ourselves that every day – even moment by moment.
It’s taken me almost two years, but I think that I have finally started to realize that no power is maybe a blessing in disguise.