Tissues stuffed up my nose and tears rolling down my face. That was my Friday night.
The past couple of days have been tough. It’s not like something really bad happened…but many small things. And those things all happened one after another. Sometimes, that feels worse than one big thing.
I hate complaining – I really do. I hate that feeling that you get when you complain. When you feel all bummed and negative. I try to look at the positive and focus on that, but man oh man, some days that is very hard to do. Yesterday, I had just had it. The past couple of days had too many things going on and they were just adding up. Clogged sinks, being woken up because my mosquito net unattached and fell on me, plans that fell through after hours of waiting, visits to immigration offices, last minute road closures leaving me to park on a random street and walk home with bags of groceries, my bedroom curtains unattaching and falling on the floor (3 stinkin’ times!), coming home to realize that I had my friends keys in my bag after dropping him off at the bus stop, having to meet him later to give him his keys, power outages, and dirt and dust all over the house after cleaning it because of these crazy wind storms lately.
So all of those things happened, and again – on their own they’re really not that big a deal, but together – let’s face it, they suck. I even tried to stay positive. At one point I wrote out a list of all of the good things that had happened lately, and there had been many things. I was feeling good! I was trying really hard not to let these things get to me – Ha! Then out of nowhere my nose started to bleed. I don’t mean bleed, I mean gush. I have never had a nose bleed before, and I know that they’re not a big deal, but my bathroom looked like a murder scene. There was blood everywhere because it was pouring out so fast – what on earth! I had it. I just started crying and crying and shoved tissues up my nose to try to get it to stop. The power was out, it was 10:30 at night, and I sat on my bed with a lantern and my Bible. With tissues up my nose and tears rolling down my face I opened up to Psalm 46.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.
God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved.
God will help her when morning dawns.
Be still and know that I am God.
All of Psalm 46 is amazing, but these 4 verses stood out. They pierced my heart, and as I meditated on them and re-read them over and over, God began to fill me with His peace. More and more of it. Reminding me that He is not only present in times of trouble but VERY present. He sees it all. The curtains falling, the sink clogging. He is in my midst and nothing will take me down. Not even messed up plans and driving all over town trying to make it in time before the immigration office closes on the day your visa expires. He will help me. His mercies are new every morning. And thankfully, all I have to do is be still. Still. And know that He is God. Things are going to happen the way He determines – what is freaking out going to do?
My nose eventually stopped bleeding, and I fell asleep being reminded that God is good, and everything is going to be totally ok.
Guess what? My curtains just fell again.